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Archive for the ‘Life as we know it’ Category

I’m rubbish at reading signals… I mean, I wouldn’t be able to tell you if a particular guy liked me, just by the way he looks at me. I don’t understand subtle… I don’t get the lingering looks and puppy dog eyes. I am oblivious to hints and I don’t respond well to flirting.

Do you remember how easy and less complicated it used to be when you were still playing with Barbie dolls? If a boy liked you he would either punch you in the face or push you into the biggest puddle he could find. The harder he hit, the more he like you. And, by God! That was easy!

My first crush and I crossed paths when we were 4… our grandmothers were friends and, for some unknown reason decided to dress us pretty much the same. He was about 3 feet tall, brown eyes and a permanent pout; I liked him, because he used to steal my toys and eat my ice cream… he was a “bad boy”, just without the fast cars or dodgy, backstreet deals… One day, after he had eaten the last chocolate, I mustered the courage, grabbed him by his Donald Duck jumper and gave him a peck on the cheek. Then, out of nowhere, my “bad boy” starts crying and screaming “Grammy! Grammy! The fat girl “yucked” me!” – I knew then we were meant to be 😀 Years later, he came out of the closet… his Gran still believes, it was all my fault. If he had been “yucked” by a prettier, cuter girl, he would have never “jumped ships”… 😛

So really… what I’m trying to say, with all this blabber, is that I am lucky to have found Mr. Sheen… He usually follows a  “love you” with a swift punch to leg or arm… Awwww… bless… he likes me 😀

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Imagine this…

You have had a busy day at the office; the boss moaned, the boss’ boss moaned, even the guy who you’ve never seen in your life moans… You can’t bitch and moan, because if you do you’re “setting a bad example for your team”. Now imagine a full week of this. Clearly, the last thing you need is to come home after 14 hours days and do the ironing, right???!!! Now what you need is the new and improved “oh so perfect” boyfriend! Now… allow me to present some of the advantages of owning such boyfriend:

  • He costs almost nothing to keep – to keep him fit and able to do all the chores around the house, you must not overfeed or let him overindulge. No one wants to watch him take 2 hours to iron your shirt.
  • He can multitask – what do you mean you can’t hoover and make tea at the same time???!!!
  • He keeps you entertained – have you ever watched a grown man dusting with a feather puff? Trust me, it’s hilarious!
  • Your house always looks spotless, no matter how much mess you make – the dress in the living room?  The shoes in the study? Your laptop in the washing machine? No worries! The “oh so perfect” boyfriend is here to help!
  • You can take him out on social engagements – as long as you follow the first point to the letter, you have a winner!
  • He doesn’t drink, burp, fart or fall asleep in front of the T.V. – but won’t judge if you do 😉
  • He earns twice as much as you – D’OH…. who’s going to keep you in the style you have become accustomed to?
  • It can last a lifetime – just follow the instructions and enjoy!

Now wake up! It’s time to do the dishes! 😀

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Wong Tai Sin Temple, Hong Kong.

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It’s 9.20 pm and I have just returned home, from my local Sainsbury. No, I don’t do community work or try to pay for my new car by having a second job! I went shopping…
I wonder how many of you will read this and nod knowingly… You,too have been there, where bargain hunters will bite your head off for that last piece of reduced ham.
You get out of the office too late to be counted among the afternoon shoppers, the ones that will ‘just pop to the shop’ after half 4 when they finish work. You are still in meetings or shouting down the phone at some lunatic who thinks it’s OK to arrange a conference call for 8 PM.
So… Here I am… The staff at my local Sainsbury know me only as the BAT… I bet that tomorrow they will have a cuppa waiting for me.
Oh… And I still haven’t phoned my Mum…
Good Night, boys and girls! See you tomorrow 🙂

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